How does one review a pool simulator like ’8 Ball Pool’? It’s a damn game of pool – I firmly remember playing a pool simulator somewhere in the 90-s and I really thought that it’s as good as you can get – and to be fair, I still hold this opinion. Pool is one of the several non-computer games, played on a limited, straight 2D surface with a simplistic design. It’s not just easy to make on a computer – it damn looks like it was designed for it. The balls are absolutely spherical and for all intents and purposes, need only the most basic physical properties to act as they should. Recent releases of the various billiard and pool simulators are only proving my point because when the developers actually try to introduce a third dimension, things only get uglier. So, it seems that it’s really difficult to make a game of pool poorly or not as enjoyable as it should – but it doesn’t mean that some people don’t try to.
Case in point, 8 Ball Pool that manages to ask money for a game that starting developers are usually giving away like they’re hot potatoes – and then it manages to ask for more money through the most ridiculously overblown prices on anything one would want from an online pool game. Oh, and it’s online ONLY. There is actually no “vs bot” game available, which automatically makes “tolerable” the greatest compliment that this game can ask from me. But no, before anyone asks, it’s not even tolerable. For starters, if you don’t want to play with friends (or if you don’t have any friends –ahem-) then you’re going to have with complete strangers, which means that there’s a certain chance that you’re going to be paired either against a 40-something pool fanatic who will manage to net every single ball after the first damn hit, or you’re going to face a 14 year-old who will say unpleasant things about you and your mother, regardless of him winning or losing. Oh, but it’s not all. Each game also requires you to bet your “caps” that, as you might have guessed, can only be refilled with real money, in case you manage to lose all of them. Oh, but this is not the end, either! Let me introduce you to a great thing, called “connection issues” they’re almost as frustrating as psychological issues – and it seems that they’re even harder to resolve. I’ve gotten kicked out of my game by the game itself an untold number of times and to do any damn thing in the game – even before you actually started playing – you are required to wait for a ridiculously long period of time, for the game to count its marbles while it delivers you the bloody thing you asked for. Oh, and of course, there are plenty of suggestions to link every damn online account you have on the web, to receive some sort of advantage. The only advantage you can have in this game is a dollar that you’ll save by not purchasing it.
As if this wasn’t enough, the actual game is garbage. It’s a primitive, top-down view of a pool game I could have programmed in my high-school. Probably, If I ever saw a single computer in my high-school anyway. Regardless, ’8 Ball Pool’ contains absolutely nothing of value, to demand this much and even if it did, it’s still just a primitive online pool – to be fair, I didn’t even feel like I’ve played an actual videogame. What it looked like was more of an “online poker” style cash-vampire app, the kind they warn you about at the IT department, along with all your favorite porn sites. And I just want to warn you too: there are tons of great pool games out there. Don’t waste your time or cash on this game.